Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I don't think the people at the add agency knew much about kayaking

If you've missed the first two posts about my audition for a Tampax television commercial, you can catch up here and here.

I step into the audition room, on the heels of the large and the Lana Veekner of Lana Veekner Talent Agency in Portland, Oregon. She is large, cheerful and draped in an oversized brown, belted tunic. This took me by surprise as I had been preparing for a svelte, chain-smoking lady holding a cup of coffee that was as black as her outfit. She would call me'dahling.' She would be surrounded by a posse of equally cool younger men, also black-clad; one would have a scarf, one would be gay, one would be strict and unsmiling, probably with sunglasses.

Instead it was just Lana, the tunic-ed Lana, telling me nicely to sit in a chair and hold a broomstick as if it were a paddle. There were video cameras surrounding me 360 degrees. Now, I have spent a little time rotating in front of the trick mirrors at clothes shops and New York City bathrooms -the ones where your reflection seems to go on forever- so thankfully this didn't phase me. (One more salute to vanity.)

She snapped on the armory of cameras and asked me to talk about my kayaking experience. "Great!" Said Lana. "Now, the rapids they'll be having you run will be really big, so that the effect really comes across. Maybe even a waterfall."

My stomach tightens but I keep my face smooth. "Oh, now, that's fantastic. I just love big rapids, and I've done some great waterfalls." (Lie, not a lie.)

"Now, due to your experience, would you be interested in shooting the action, but not delivering the lines? They may decide to go that route if they can't find the right person."

Then I sat down on the chair and picked up my paddle-broom. Lana popped out from behind the cameras and placed a messenger bag across my chest so that it rested on my side. Inside was a box of Tampax pearls. "Now, when you reference the product, turn and take out the box from the bag. You'll be wearing this bag during the shoot. "

Back up the train- when I'm braving the aforementioned 'really big rapids maybe a waterfall' I'lll be wearing a backpack???

Oh no.

1 comment:

Nick said...

What ever came of this audition? When do you expect to hear back? I would hope the kayaking "pearl" girl would have to be someone who has been kayaking before.