Saturday, June 19, 2010

Ask the Militant Biker

Yesterday, I was parallel parking on the side of the road in Quechee, Vermont, on my way to the annual Hot Air Balloon Festival. As I was doing so, a middle aged lady on a bike passed me screaming that I my parking was a 'fucking inconvenience.' Today, as a real treat for our readers, we bring her in as our guest columnist!

Dear Militant Bike Lady,
I've recently moved back home to rural Vermont, and I feel as if I'm losing touch with my old friends. It's not that we don't get along, it's just we have less to talk about. What can I do to stay in touch?

Increasingly Isolated

Dear Isolated,

What the hell!? Move over! Move the fuck over! Do you want to kill me? Is that what you want? You want to paralyze me? GO AHEAD I could use the money! Look in your mirror for Chrissakes I'm right here! HeLLO I'm right HERE! Yeah, that's right you asshole, you ever heard of sharing the road? You think this is sharing the road? You asshole. I know my rights! You're fucking dangerous! Fuck!!

The Militant Bike Lady

Dear Militant Bike Lady,
Like most of us, I've been feeling the economic 'crunch' lately. Suddenly, buying clothes and accessories is a luxury I cannot afford! How can I keep myself looking hip and fashionable, while not breaking the bank?

Reluctantly Thrifty

Dear Reluctant,

So now you're not using your turn signals! Jesus, what- you think I could just read your mind that you're merging? Or did you think I'd figure it out when my head is through your windshield! You fat, polluting piece of- Oh GO RIGHT ON THROUGH THEN! Don't mind me! Fuck! You people are unbelievable! Move OVER!!! FUCK!!

The Militant Biker Lady

Want to pick the brain of the Militant Bike Lady? Leave your question in the comment area!

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