Monday, October 11, 2010

My Great Big Airplane Idea

Embracing Couple

I have this great idea that I am going to sell to the airlines industry.

I think the airlines should separate the single passengers from the married or otherwise unavailable passengers. This could be done with a simple questionnaire on the online ticket booking site.

The coupled people can sit in the back of the airplane, where they can be content keeping to themselves, or complaining to one another about those couple complaints that no single person can stomach listening to. And us single people can sit up front and mingle.

During turbulence, the coupled people will be forced to sit in their seats with their seat belts tightly fastened, while the singles will be encouraged to move freely about the cabin: Bump! Whoops! Sorry, I landed in your- why, hello. Hello hello.

There will be a third section of the airplane available for those unfortunate people who are unable to classify themselves. Not quite single. Not quite anchored in a relationship. An open relationship, not sure if it's going anywhere. Recently broken up with and 'not ready to move on.' Those people can sit in the middle of the airplane. Nobody cares whether or not they fasten their seat belts. Nobody offers them peanuts or complimentary soft drinks. Those people are used to getting ignored, and nobody's going to complain.

I must be honest, that is a terrible place to sit. For the betterment of everybody, I reccomend defining yourself one way or the other. Remember during your next conversation with your maybe-maybe-not-significant other, that the middle of the plane is where the plane is going to split apart (because of the wings) in the event that the plane goes down. Your chances of survival are much much higher if you're sitting nicely in the front or back of the vessel. Something to keep in mind.


Anonymous said...

I like this one! Nice work, funny but very true metaphor.

Anonymous said...

and the people with small children? should they be split up so that one crying baby doesn't get the others going? or should they be put with the singles to encourage birth control?

Cassandra said...

F*in brill.

Andrew said...

:) This is excellent.

dig this chick said...

Your comments on my blog have caught my eye a few times and then your bold (and fabulous!) declaration that I will indeed be scooting around South America with children, animals and a husband in a bus while writing and painting, well.

This post is really funny. Except I want the option to unbuckle next to my husband. Perhaps there could be two couple sections in the back.