Monday, October 17, 2011

Damn it, Melina! (Episode 1)

And now a new section I like to call Damn it, Melina!

A few days ago I met Lisa at Vertical World, the climbing gym where she works. I was greeted by a handsome man at the desk who gave me some papers to fill out. It was late- Lisa and I like to climb after hours when we have the whole place to ourselves- so the gym was nearly empty.

The man was named Andy. He was friendly and funny and ruggedly bearded, the type that sparks my interest. And let's just say that my interest hasn't been sparked in a long time. About three times a week I enjoy a lovely dream wherein I perform household chores for Bill Hader, and so far that's been more than sustaining me on the romantic front.

As Lisa and I were putting on our shoes she told me a little about Andy, who she climbs with regularly. "He's got a background in theater." She said. "And in Opera. He was in a men's chorus." Now I'm sure you don't feel the same but I absolutely love a show man. Absolutely love. I felt a warmth creep up my spine.   

Lisa got up to choose a climb and low and behold, Andy came over and sat down in her place. So I flashed him the 'Yeah, you're feeling it, aren't you, am I feeling it too? You'll just have to find out' Smile. You know the one. 
"Are you on OKcupid?" He asked.
A left turn, sure, but I kept my composure. "Why yes."
He slapped his knee. "That's how I recognize you! I think I sent you a few messages. But you never replied."

Well this could go the awkward route or the fantastic route! After all, he's into me, and I never wrote back, which makes me elusive. It makes me the stunningly wild animal and he the determined hunter. 

Of course with the reply that I inexplicably chose,  the situation went the Awkward route.

"Well, I- I just stopped answering all messages. I haven't messaged someone back since, well, since this one guy really thought I was a midget." (Damn it, Melina.)
He laughed. "Sure, sure."
"I mean, it's tough out there!" I don't remember his reply except that he agreed, but in a very mediocre way that caused me to get slightly defensive. "I mean, did you have any success?

"I sure did!" he said, hoisting himself up. "I've been dating someone happily now for about four months that I met on OKcupid." And then he flashed me this 'Isn't life full of wonderful surprises?' smile that made my soul curl up a little bit.

Damn it, Melina.


Anonymous said...

Just can't win online, can you! Makes for some hilarious stuff....I bet you could make dying alone funny though.

Melina said...

Thank you, anon, for the absolute strangest compliment I have ever received.

Adriana Iris said...

LOL@Bill Hader... really?

Jeff in Oregon said...

So.... I too had a weird OkCupid experience right about the time of the Index get together. I'd met and gone out with a lady from OkCupid a few times, in fact, that's who I was meeting in Portland when I left Index. Well, she's from Portland, doesn't have a car and works 2 weeks on and 1 week off, working most of the time out of state. I live about two hours away, and was still trying to figure out how anything would work anyway. Well, shortly after I received a barrage of text messages about how she liked me, and loved spending time with me, but she wanted a serious relationship and didn't think I was into it...... Hell, I was still trying to figure how to even spend time with her, not a serious relationship after just 3 dates!

Jason said...

I am really bad at responding too. I like that you've allowed me to think that means I'm "elusive" now and not just bad at using the site.

L said...

You should reply to his message now, just for kicks.

Ren said...

I call those "Damn it, Ren" moments by a different name...FML. :)