Thursday, November 4, 2010

Blue is Gold


The dad comes downstairs. The dad works too hard in his upstairs office. The dad is brilliant. He is a genius. He sees me sitting cross legged at the table, typing. "Hello kid," he says, filling the electric kettle with water. In the time it takes for the tea to boil and steep, the dad will make one lap around the butcher block table. He will rip open the package of crackers that's sitting there and eat three. He'll turn the radio on and off. And then he'll say, "Kid, if there's one thing I teach you before I die, it's this." And then he'll pause, gazing out the window.

"What's that, dad?" I'll ask, knowing what he's going to say.

"Kid, you can't let the bastards get you down."

Sometimes he'll stop there. Other times he'll add, with a sort-of laugh, "Because, kid, there are a lot of bastards out there." And he'll take his black tea and shuffle back up the stairs to his office. This is the anthem of my childhood.
The dad
This past Tuesday, us democrats didn't do so great in the election. To put it mildly. My trio of states- Vermont, Massachusetts and Washington, remained steadily blue (here's hoping for Patty Murray, it's looking good!). But pretty much the rest of the country was handed over to the greedy, the ignorant, the evil, the inconsiderate, the lying, the misleading, and the misled.

As the news was piped out over the radio Tuesday night, I was sitting on the living room floor, stitching together some photos that I took with my good friend Ava last Sunday. We took a photo stroll through Wallingford on the most heavenly warm blue day. We brought the dogs. I was planning on writing up a post about something benign, some pleasant ode to neighborhoods, friendship, dogs, coffee. Contentment in general.  But I lost my concentration, actually I almost lost my dinner, as I watched the red tide seep across the map. I flicked idly through the photos and felt this wave of revulsion sweep through my stomach.

Two days before the election and what was I doing. I wasn't canvassing or making phone calls or running around doing something to help the democratic cause. I wasn't doing any of that.  My cousin Tracy, who lives in Boston, who I admire so incredibly much, works full time as a lawyer. And she's a wife and has a new apartment and is always running to Washington DC for work. She's insanely busy and she still finds time to work for the left.

At her wedding last summer- rainy, perfect- her husband Todd gave a little speech about the reasons he loved her. He told a story about how Tracy was working for Obama before the 2008 election, going from door to door in a remote, conservative New Hampshire town. Tracy's car broke down, in the rain, in the middle of nowhere. It took hours for her to get it fixed.  By then it was late, and dark. At this point of the story, Todd looked down at his bride with this look of pride and said, "And guys- you know what she did? She got back in the car and she kept on going, house to house. It didn't even occur to her to stop for the night."

Hey, Tracy? Cousin? I love you.

But me? I didn't do anything this time around. "Too busy," is what I said to myself, "The job, writing,  money, you know, figuring myself out. Too busy."  I'm not too busy. I had this idea that I'd perfect myself first- get local and healthy and use public transportation and bring a reusable coffee mug anywhere- and then I'd do something.  But I spent so much damn time at whole foods deliberating what to put into the recycle vs. what to put in the compost that I never looked up, looked beyond myself, and said holy shit. We're losing. I ought to do something.

The disappointment I felt towards myself grew and grew that night until, sleepless in bed, the horrible thought occurred to me. Have I let my family down? My family is political and smart and hard working. And I feel as if I run around and laugh a lot. I don't do enough. The thought fell Thunk! Out of my brain and down into my stomach.  I do not do enough. I vote, I give money to VPR. I talk a lot. But I don't do enough.

Even the next morning, after I chilled out and took a shower, I couldn't bring myself to post the nice images of our photo walk.  The first post after a bad election just can't be little images of nice little distractions. Can it?

And then I thought of the dad. Playing me Phil Oches records as a kid. The dad, teaching me to walk the razor thin line between cynicism, hope, fight acceptance, and work. You can't let the bastards get you down, kid. Because there are a lot of bastards out there And now there are even more. And they're in charge. Of the House at least.

I thought about my home in Vermont, White River Junction, which is part of a national movement. It's a 'transition town,' where people have decided they really don't have a say in what happens in government, good or bad, and they're tired of waiting.  They can't do anything to lower the cost of fuel, so in winter they walk door to door and ask people if they need help with their heating. If they do, they bring them wood. They try and keep their money within their communities knowing that when the communities go, Vermont goes, too.


***
I remember the dad in the kitchen, we're always in the kitchen, pulling the cork out of a bottle of wine. I'm 16 years old and about to go to abroad for the semester with my weird little boarding school. The dad says, "Kid, I could not care less how well you learn algebra. But it's the most important thing in the world for you to travel, and see that there is a world outside of Vermont."

"I agree, dad!" I'm bouncing off the walls.

The dad is serious. "Kid, there is this attitude in the US that everyone else is bad and we need to be afraid. That attitude is wrong, kid. You need to understand that."

To the mom and dad, I'm not scared. I'm sick and tired of ignorance-fueled decision making and hate-backed policy just as you are. I'm glad you raised me to lift my head up and pay attention. But I don't live in fear of other people. I love this country, I love the world and being alive in it. This election sucked. But I won't let the assholes get me down, not if you don't.

I also know that I'm not doing enough. So I'm going to start. I'm going to start here.

11 comments:

Tracy said...

I love you too, my dear! I can definitely see your Dad say that while making tea in the kitchen. He's a smart guy - reminds me I need to tell him that his brilliant design of the North Station T platform makes my life better every morning (and many of my co-workers agree!).

Wendy said...

I still enjoy reading your blog...although I was slightly offended that all "red" people are considered to be mean, ignorant, bible thumping, evil and non-giving. I wonder how this country will ever come together and act as one when there is a such a huge divide, only made larger when stereotypes are thrown around without care. To characterize Republicans as you did is unfair. We are all not like that, in fact, I would say that most aren't. Comes from the news hype of only highlighting crazy Christian freaks when showcasing some story about the right. It would be the same if I categorized all Democrats as worthless, non-working, always-want-a-hand-out, hippy, welfare needing scums. Not fair and not true. Blue might be gold to you, but I prefer to think of RED, white and BLUE as the true gold!

Adriane said...

I get this because I'm a (very!) liberal democrat...but saying "the country was handed over to the greedy, the ignorant, the evil, the inconsiderate, the lying, the misleading, and the misled." well...well thats just quite the blanket statement. I WISH politics were that black and white.

You're telling me you don't have one republican friend or family member?

Melina said...

Wendy/Adriane, I do not think that all people who vote republican are evil at all. However, the actual republican politicians who were elected- I really have no tolerance for them. I do NOT support or agree with them in any way, and this keeps getting proved time and again. When i say that the country was given back to the hands of these people, I mean it's back in the hands of the right leaning politicians, not the people. I don't think the country is in the hands of the people at all.

You're completely right, though, that to widen the divide between left and right does nobody any good. However- democrats DO have a fault and that is not fighting with the same venom that republicans fight.

Thank you for your comments, and feel free to respond.

Melina said...

oh and A, I do have a few republican friends...not family members, but friends. But most of my republican friends jumped ship during the bush years and are now libertarians or something.

Adriane said...

Uhm... I think you are insulting republicans by association. You're saying all these stereotypical/ angry things about the administration and those in power-- Who do you think puts those people in power? (Well, for the sake of arguement we can hope it is the VOTE that makes it so...but thats not entirely true).

Just think about it the other way-- if someone bashed liberals and/or democrats and described them as Wendy mentioned-- wouldn't you be miffed? Or would you acually believe someone who says "oh no no, not YOU the republican-- just those you voted for, silly!"

yeah-- You'll see how that could be misconstrued.

I think compassion is a key attribute to have if we are to understand one another and to realize-at least to me- that there are so many factors at play in any situation- ESPECIALLY politics! that lead to outcomes. Our duty is to try to find them and understand them.

Wendy said...

I am a very moderate Republican...fiscally conservative and socially liberal. The problem with the 2 parties today is that each panders to their extreme side. There is no middle ground anymore. I'm tired that the Pro-Life movement and the NRA have taken over the Republican party. Abortion, for or against, should not be in politics. Its personal, not political. I always say if people worried about their own house and how to make it better, instead of others, the world would be a better place. My husband works on Capitol Hill. There are lots of good people trying to make good changes, mixed in with some bad apples. I can't stand though when the bad apples are what represents a group of people. The press has had a huge hand in that endeavour. I hated the last election. Brought out the worst in everyone. There couldn't have been a more middle-of-the-road type guy than John McCain. Yet he was thought of as the next Bush, even though his record had proven that he didn't always vote the way of Republicans, was a thorn in Bush's side on many occasions, etc...No one wanted to see that. All they wanted was change. "Change to what" is what I always wanted to say. I did not vote for or like BHO. He was so underqualified for the job it about made my mouth drop. I was hoping that Clinton would get the nomination. I never liked her personally, but I think she would have made a good president. I couldn't stand how people blamed (and still do) Bush for everything. He was the devil. He was evil. I met the man and his dad...you couldn't find 2 more compassionate, caring, funny, and dare I say it, intelligent men. Did he make poor choices? Yes he did (but was Presiden hasn't). Was he too loyal to friends and people who worked underneath him? Yes he was and that was his downfall. He was in a no win situation after 9/11. Damned if he did and damned if he didn't. The war, while costly in human lives and money, didn't cause the recession. Greed did. Every one wanted to own homes/cars/pools/whatever that they couldn't afford. A direct result of certain Democrats(Barney Frank and Bill Clinton) deregulating the the US financial system in 1999. Bush wasn't with all the masses (who are now having financial problems) when they were signing mortgage paperwork on a home they couldn't afford. The current state of affairs should be blamed on every US citizen who lived the high life on monopoly money. I guess my point in saying all of this is that not all Republicans are bad, just a few. The same can be said for the Democrats. Everyone just needs to come together to remember that we are fighting for the same country and work together. Highlight our sameness, not our differences. Hold each other accountable for our actions and not blame one man for our problems. It's going to be a long road to recovery but I do believe it will happen in the end.

Sorry for this being so long.

Wendy said...

I am a very moderate Republican...fiscally conservative and socially liberal. The problem with the 2 parties today is that each panders to their extreme side. There is no middle ground anymore. I'm tired that the Pro-Life movement and the NRA have taken over the Republican party. Abortion, for or against, should not be in politics. Its personal, not political. I always say if people worried about their own house and how to make it better, instead of others, the world would be a better place. My husband works on Capitol Hill. There are lots of good people trying to make good changes, mixed in with some bad apples. I can't stand though when the bad apples are what represents a group of people. The press has had a huge hand in that endeavour. I hated the last election. Brought out the worst in everyone. There couldn't have been a more middle-of-the-road type guy than John McCain. Yet he was thought of as the next Bush, even though his record had proven that he didn't always vote the way of Republicans, was a thorn in Bush's side on many occasions, etc...No one wanted to see that. All they wanted was change. "Change to what" is what I always wanted to say. I did not vote for or like BHO. He was so underqualified for the job it about made my mouth drop. I was hoping that Clinton would get the nomination. I never liked her personally, but I think she would have made a good president. I couldn't stand how people blamed (and still do) Bush for everything. He was the devil. He was evil. I met the man and his dad...you couldn't find 2 more compassionate, caring, funny, and dare I say it, intelligent men. Did he make poor choices? Yes he did (but was Presiden hasn't). Was he too loyal to friends and people who worked underneath him? Yes he was and that was his downfall. He was in a no win situation after 9/11. Damned if he did and damned if he didn't. The war, while costly in human lives and money, didn't cause the recession. Greed did. Every one wanted to own homes/cars/pools/whatever that they couldn't afford. A direct result of certain Democrats(Barney Frank and Bill Clinton) deregulating the the US financial system in 1999. Bush wasn't with all the masses (who are now having financial problems) when they were signing mortgage paperwork on a home they couldn't afford. The current state of affairs should be blamed on every US citizen who lived the high life on monopoly money. I guess my point in saying all of this is that not all Republicans are bad, just a few. The same can be said for the Democrats. Everyone just needs to come together to remember that we are fighting for the same country and work together. Highlight our sameness, not our differences. Hold each other accountable for our actions and not blame one man for our problems. It's going to be a long road to recovery but I do believe it will happen in the end.

Sorry for this being so long.

Wendy said...

I am a very moderate Republican...fiscally conservative and socially liberal. The problem with the 2 parties today is that each panders to their extreme side. There is no middle ground anymore. I'm tired that the Pro-Life movement and the NRA have taken over the Republican party. Abortion, for or against, should not be in politics. Its personal, not political. I always say if people worried about their own house and how to make it better, instead of others, the world would be a better place. My husband works on Capitol Hill. There are lots of good people trying to make good changes, mixed in with some bad apples. I can't stand though when the bad apples are what represents a group of people. The press has had a huge hand in that endeavour. I hated the last election. Brought out the worst in everyone. There couldn't have been a more middle-of-the-road type guy than John McCain. Yet he was thought of as the next Bush, even though his record had proven that he didn't always vote the way of Republicans, was a thorn in Bush's side on many occasions, etc...No one wanted to see that. All they wanted was change. "Change to what" is what I always wanted to say. I did not vote for or like BHO. He was so underqualified for the job it about made my mouth drop. I was hoping that Clinton would get the nomination. I never liked her personally, but I think she would have made a good president. I couldn't stand how people blamed (and still do) Bush for everything. He was the devil. He was evil. I met the man and his dad...you couldn't find 2 more compassionate, caring, funny, and dare I say it, intelligent men. Did he make poor choices? Yes he did (but was Presiden hasn't). Was he too loyal to friends and people who worked underneath him? Yes he was and that was his downfall. He was in a no win situation after 9/11. Damned if he did and damned if he didn't. The war, while costly in human lives and money, didn't cause the recession. Greed did. Every one wanted to own homes/cars/pools/whatever that they couldn't afford. A direct result of certain Democrats(Barney Frank and Bill Clinton) deregulating the the US financial system in 1999. Bush wasn't with all the masses (who are now having financial problems) when they were signing mortgage paperwork on a home they couldn't afford. The current state of affairs should be blamed on every US citizen who lived the high life on monopoly money. I guess my point in saying all of this is that not all Republicans are bad, just a few. The same can be said for the Democrats. Everyone just needs to come together to remember that we are fighting for the same country and work together. Highlight our sameness, not our differences. Hold each other accountable for our actions and not blame one man for our problems. It's going to be a long road to recovery but I do believe it will happen in the end.

Sorry for this being so long.

Wendy said...

Oops!! Not sure how my comment got postd 3 times.

Melina said...

Wendy- sometimes Blogger does not, not sure why. But I'm really grateful for all the ideas and different angles you're bringing to this. Thank you.