Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Winners

With the comedy classes I've been taking, I've started thinking about a stand up routine. It's a ways off, but in terms of material I keep going back to the same little piece of my life. Which leads me to admit something I've been keeping from you. I've had an online dating profile for about a year now on Okcupid. What can I say. It's free. My friend Colleen talked me into it.

Online dating is great. Everyone who browses me thinks I look like this:


I've only met a few guys in person. They're pleasant enough. That's where I found my friend Allen. But I've found that the real magic tends to happens online, during the initial messaging period.

I'd like to share a conversation I'm particularly fond of. I call this vignette "Well Proportioned."

The following conversation occurred as emails over a three day period.

Boy_man: Hi! You are gorgeous and your writing is hilarious. Height is important to me - what ya got? :)

Melina: 4 feet two inches. I'm technically a midget but I prefer little person.

Boy_man: Wow, you are incredibly well proportioned, I figured you were 5'4".

Melina: I am actually 5 3. I was just kidding about being a midget.

Boy_man: Still think you're well proportioned, but I'm still into taller girls. Why don't you list your height? Makes me think there's something fishy going on, such as midget hood.

Melina: Understood. I liked your profile too, but I was a little concerned that you didn't list your penis size? What's going on there?

*****
It was a colorful and spirited interaction, but neither Boy_man nor I felt the need to meet in person.  And that concludes my first story about online dating.

19 comments:

Tracy said...

Hahahahahahaha! Go Lina!

elissa said...

Amazing. I mean-- fair is fair, right?

Adriana Iris said...

LOL... My online dating experience...
I met in the mid 90's at the beginnings of the net a boy on the west coast we emailed for almost 2 years until I finally decided to meet him. He was great, good looking and I dare to say a great lover... Sure why not that's how far it went... He just failed to tell me about his bipolar schizophrenic disorder. That was the end of our love story when he accused me of working for the government and using the computer to get in his head.

jackiedub said...

AHHHH hahahaha this is cracking me up!

Anonymous said...

I'm looking for blonde/brunette girl with arms, necks and legs that are not well proportioned. Sounds bizarre, but I totally dig giraffes. - Big D

Anonymous said...

I've said I love you before but now I mean it more than ever. This is fantastic. Funny. Good. More. Please.

Anonymous said...

Now it's going to be even easier to stalk you. Off to OKcupid I go.

Kelle said...

Melina, you are a trip. That was awesome.

fozz said...

He didn't have the wit to respond with "modesty?" Boy_man needs to think a little faster.

colleen said...

thanks for subsequently outing me for my online dating....haha, I had no idea you actually made a profile after I showed you mine! You're brilliant and I'm psyched to get a shout out on your site, see ya soon darling.

Syria said...

Thanks, I needed that!

Syria said...

Thanks! I needed a laugh!

Syria said...

Thanks! I needed a laugh!

bruised orange said...

lol! oh man, that cracked me up!

Anonymous said...

Apparently Syria needed a laugh real badly. Consider their ongoing domestic turmoil, perhaps they do.

Melina said...

I write for the purposes of comic relief in the middle East. That and the humiliation of those who prejudice against height.

Melina said...

Is prejudice a verb? It is now.

Hilary said...

OMG! I love this... You, are good!

Cassandra said...

HAHA! Amazing. Perfectly fair response.