Friday, December 5, 2014

the teeth

I am in the teeth of finals. During times like this, my body, feeling neglected, likes to throw punches. I'm not the type to snap or yell or slam doors when I feel overwhelmed with demands and responsibilities, instead I swallow the stress and watch as it emerges in mysterious side effects. I have an infected tooth, an infected outer ear, and a slipped disc in my lower back. I've taped all my papers to the wall so I can do my work standing up, the pencil in my hand cramped at an unusual angle. Sitting is excruciating. During class, I lean against the wall in the back, awkward, like someone loitering in a parking lot.

I've been given a body that never presents the same symptoms twice, because that would be too boring. Hypochondria has rattled me my entire life, but I do marvel at the innovation that comes from that deep part of my brain, the secret laboratory that I am unaware of and have no control over, for constantly thinking up new aches and pains, disruptive yet undiagnosable, all creatively worrisome.

If you were to come speak to me while I'm sitting (standing) at the cafe, or lying face down on the floor in a sea of papers, I would not raise my voice, or be short with you or say something to make you feel lousy. Some people go this route when there is too much to do and not enough time. Not me. Instead I will tirelessly try and convince you that my number is up, and this time I mean it. I'll pull my hair back to show you the infected red stripe on my ear that's no doubt marching towards my brain. I'll take your hand in mine and press it against that misplaced bone in my back.

To live with me requires some patience.

That said, there is a faint light at the end of this tunnel. In less than two weeks I should be home in New England, the ACS exam passed or failed but over either way. Same with all the others.

I have to return to the belly of the whale now. It's been nice coming here and having a gasp of fresh air.
Coming up on Monday, I'm excited to present the grandest, coziest, warmest giveaway yet. I can't wait! But I will. One question for you before I announce the winner of the In Blue bicycle journal: for Monday, would you like a prompt, or should I leave the comments open this time around? That way you could say anything you'd like and write as much or as little as you please. If you have an opinion, let me know.

Now for the winner. Thank you to everyone who nominated a hard working person in your life. Here is what I took away from your comments: people can take on a whole lot and make it work. It's difficult but it's possible. And maybe I shouldn't be so daunted by the idea of finishing school, starting a career, having kids and getting enough sleep all in the next few years, because people are doing exactly that, and far more, every day.

I have to use the computer instead of the drawing hat because everyone I know is either at work or at school right now. (The nerve!)
Congratulations Bekah, comment #18!

"I want to say my momma, because all of the stuff you just said about raising kids, she did it. I never (ever!) knew we were poor until kids in middle school told me we were...personally I think they got it wrong, but I guess by the numbers we were. I loved my childhood, and I try hard to raise my boys the same way. We have been up and down financially in the five years that I have been a momma, down as low as literally living in an unfinished basement with a five month old baby. And you know what - I wouldn't change a damn thing about when I had my babies. We done some pretty amazing things with the boys, and I will tell you right now that as much as they liked disneyworld (which was a gift - because holy shit tickets are absurd) they still mostly talk about our fun times hiking nearby or throwing rocks at the river. I don't know where my comment is going, and I'm not trying to preach, all I'm trying to say is you can do it. And it can be amazing."

I know where your comment is going, girl. It's going towards a home-made leather bound journal for your innovative and hard working mom. Please send her mailing address and yours to: Thewildercoast@gmail.com
Keep up with Monday giveaways on Instagram: @melinadream

19 comments:

Sarah said...

I vote prompt! Gives a jumping point and I love the connected feeling with others who have similar (and different) experiences to share!

Jill said...

I vote for the prompt! I love talking about a common theme with everyone else and seeing all of the lovely responses.

Melina said...

Thanks for the input Sarah! I've had a few people tell me the prompts were too hard for them to contribute, so I wanted to check in. But I love reading everyone's thoughtful and fun comments, and I feel really connected with others when I do. Thanks again.

Melina said...

They have been lovely responses, haven't they. Thanks for the input @Jill.

Jess B said...

I'm sure you've been given all sorts of advice for that back so forgive me for adding to that pile but I have degenerative disc disease (chronic pain! incurable!a condition that particularly hates the forest or all fun things in it!)and I know that pain. I tell everyone about a little miracle device/TENS unit on overstock.com. It's $30 and worth not having to do bigger, uglier things until the inflammation heals. Best of luck on that exam! (Also, prompts!)
http://www.overstock.com/Health-Beauty/TENS-7000-Pain-Management-Tens-Unit/5320527/product.html?searchidx=0

carolyn said...

I love the prompt and reading the responses, even if I don't leave a comment because I cannot decide on an answer it made me think 😊

Melina said...

Thanks Carolyn! And just so you know, you can always enter the drawing just by leaving any comment. Everyone's included!

Sri said...

@Carolyn ^^ agreed. Prompt is still good, even though it messes with my head trying to think of an answer :) Hope you feel better soon Melina, I sent the link to the TENS unit someone suggested above to my cousin who also has a slipped disc situation.

adventurekate said...

I love a good theme, so I'd also vote for another prompt.

The stuff over at In Blue is really special- thanks for sharing them with us. I was so inspired thinking about my "nominee" from last weekend that I've decided to buy her a gift from In Blue. After writing about how incredible she is, I feel compelled to share with HER my thoughts!

Get through those exams- we're all cheering for you.

Megan Marie said...

I love the prompts, I love that they really make me think.

I am so glad to hear that I'm not the only one whose body handles stress in that way - not glad for the circumstances of course but to know I'm not alone in that. I'm guilty of internalizing most everything and the stress presents itself differently every time just as you said - it's really forced me to look at how I handle things and is part of why I started writing, I had to get it ALL out somewhere....writing has been a lifesaver.

Maria said...

Melina, you so eloquently describe the daily struggles I have with mysterious symptoms. I wake up every day wondering what's going to hurt today. My sister just sent me an email with a pic of a tombstone saying..."I told you I was sick. Bastards!!" Guess we just have to laugh. xo

Seeing Each Day said...

See, even when you're in substantial physical pain you can still write in your usual impressive fashion - that says a lot. I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed and in turn, so unwell. Sincere best wishes in ploughing through your exams. I am a fan of your prompts, because as others have said, it gives us food for thought. Renee

Anonymous said...

One more vote for prompts. I'm a bit shy with my words, but I've been inspired greatly by what other people have to share. I think I'm ready to dive in next time. That said, see you Monday!

Melina said...

I look forward to it! And remember, you can always comment anonymously and then email me with your details if you win! Or if you just feel like revealing yourself ;)

Sarah Beth said...

I am loving these monday series. Thank you to you, and to these small businesses, for putting this together! Can I suggest one of my favorite pendant makers? They are an Asheville company and I think they would be excited to work with you. And I know we would be excited to get one of their beautiful pieces in the mail!! Keep up the good work!

http://www.bluebirddesigns.com/

Sarah Beth said...

Here is their Etsy:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/bluebirddesignsshop

QueenTage said...

I'm casting my vote for a prompt!

And I'm sorry your body is in stress rebellion right now. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off in the end. I hated so much of pre-reqs and nursing school but 4 years later I barely remember any of that and can't imagine having any other job.

Laura Farrell said...

Speaking as someone who does live with you, I would like to officially disagree to the line: "To live with me requires some patience." I think you're a wonderful roommate requiring minimal patience, hypochondriac or not!

Living with a barking Karl AND a barking Home Team, now that's a slightly different story....

Melina said...

Laura- thank you! but I don't know what you mean- Hometeam has never barked in her whole angel life! ;)